Rogues’ Gallery #5: THE AZZOLI BROTHERS

Meet Gino “Calamari” and Freddy “Muzzle” Azzoli AKA the Azzoli brothers. These two are as inseparable as Laurel and Hardy… they are rarely seen in public without each others’ company.

Technically, they aren’t brothers, if you must know… cousins, but raised in the same house… Gino’s old man Tito’s place… Freddy’s Uncle Tits. The old man liked Freddy best (everyone does, really, even though he never says much, and he does the vast majority of the killing), so everyone just treated it like he was the old man’s kid, and not the bastard offspring of Tito’s whore of a sister. Easier for everyone that way. Besides, Tito beat him just the same as he beat Gino when the wine told him to.

Still, Gino wasn’t without remorse when he flushed the old man’s pieces down the john.

One might assume that such an upbringing would breed intense competitiveness between the two brothers, but this was never the case. They have always had an incomprehensible understanding… an unspoken language that they shared.

It probably helped that, although they are both quite stupid, Freddy is about one pube this side of retarded.

Thus, Gino has always had an easy time dominating Freddy intellectually, and Gino generally does the talking for both of them. As a result, you can’t shut the guy up without a blunt object. The only time Gino keeps his yammering maw quiet is when they’re on a job. Few people realize the depth of Freddy’s dim wit, because the way Gino tells it, the guy is Socrates.

Freddy is certainly an asset in his own way, though. Freddy’s good looks get enough tail for both of them in spite of Gino’s obvious and severe physical shortcomings (as long as Freddy doesn’t open his idiot gob). Freddy never insists on taking the pretty ones, either. And, of course, Freddy is strong as a lion and kills on command without hesitation.

Together, they make a pretty perfect team, really. Few professional murderers have long careers, yet these guys have been at it since John Travolta was still dancing in a white suit. Part of this longevity comes from being protected by the mob, certainly, but beyond that they are extremely skilled at what they do.

All together, they have only been in the pokey five times (Gino for burglary, Freddy for assault, assault, assault and pissing in public). This is not through any sort of cleverness that they have avoided being caught for any of the abundant corpses they have created. Pure talent is what keeps them alive and in shiny shoes. Freddy is fast and remorseless, Gino is brutal and thorough. They go and get the job done and leave before the blood stains the carpet.

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